Yesterday I woke up, did four loads of laundry, and dueled with a washer (I lost). I also ran out of meal tickets, so I decided rather than trudge somewhere to get meals (or just pay the dining hall) I would eat snacks for lunch and dinner. But when my friend Libby called at 1 o'clock and invited me to go out to lunch with some other friends, I figured it was meant to be. So I walked through the rain (without my umbrella) to her dorm, then to another girl's car and off we went. It was a very nice (albeit a bit cramped with four people) sportscar. We headed to Rocheport, a town about 20 minutes away, Pop. 208 (Plus 1!), as the sign announced.
As we turned down the small streets, Libby was ecstatic "Look! Isn't that fence amazing? This is such a wonderful place!" While the rest of us looked around and saw many, many antique stores but no restaurants. Anyhow, after some "I think it's around here somewhere's" (you can't get too lost in Rocheport), we found the little restaurant. The menu was so small it was just written on a whiteboard, and as the rest of us looked suspiciously at the weird combinations of pasta or crabcakes with sauces we were unfamiliar with (hey, I'm a picky eater), the other girl peppered Libby with questions, while the lone guy in our group pondered "What's shit-take?" (that is, Shittake mushrooms). In the end I ended up ordering two desserts, carrot cake and apple pie, which was probably the oddest order the lady had ever received. But she laughed. While we waited for our food, we colored on the paper tablecloth with crayons, Libby drawing a crazy picture of the guy (he's in the Navy) on a very funny looking boat, while he responded by adding Libby in among the aliens he had already drawn. I just doodled some girls, who Libby declared to be the characters from Little Women, and we spent a few minutes trying to remember their names, discussing the movie, and agreeing that we needed to read the book again.
Afterwards we walked to one of the Antique stores, where I bought something (but it wasn't for me). The store has very cute little bags and purple tissue paper. Then we all piled back in the car and returned to Mizzou. Ummm. . .the end. So this story doesn't have a climax. Live with it.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Monday, January 23, 2006
Horoscopes In A Klutz-Centric Universe
For my science class, we did a little fun experiment. Basically, we proved that Zodiac signs do not determine personal characteristics (duh!). Anyhow, it got me thinking. I imagined a world where horoscope predictions were true, and I decided that it would not help certain klutzy people like myself. For example:
You will have a special encounter with a person you know.
You careen head-on into a casual acquaintance, making a complete fool of yourself.
Your financial situation will change.
A soda machine eats your dollar and provides no soda.
You will escape the rut of boring ho-hum existence
You fall down a flight of stairs.
etc. and so on. The only thing more powerful than fate is Klutziness.
You will have a special encounter with a person you know.
You careen head-on into a casual acquaintance, making a complete fool of yourself.
Your financial situation will change.
A soda machine eats your dollar and provides no soda.
You will escape the rut of boring ho-hum existence
You fall down a flight of stairs.
etc. and so on. The only thing more powerful than fate is Klutziness.
Friday, January 20, 2006
From The Chronicles of the Princess, Semester Two: Week One
Well, my day started off just lovely: after my second class I sliced my thumb on the bathroom door. As slices go, it's not the bad-enough-to-need-stitches-kind, but it is certainly the wow-that's-a-lot-of-blood-is-it-ever-going-to-stop?-variety. It would be my left thumb, too (go ahead and smirk, right-handers :P). It's rainy and cold here today, and my long journalism class was, of course, on the other side of campus. And I spilled pizza on my shirt at lunch. But enough tales of woe and sorrow: it is the weekend! Let us make merry and rejoice!
My classes this semester run the gauntlet from predictable to horrible to wonderful. My Theology of JRR Tolkien class (the only redeeming class on my schedule) is taught by an amazing professor. He's retired, and doesn't even get paid to teach, but that's never seems to have stopped him. This year the university offered him any class he wanted, so he made this one up. For the first class, he read us a portion of the Ainulindalë (the Middle Earth creation story) while playing some of Hayden's "Creation." For fun he travels the world trying to see every species of penguin in the wild (he just got back from one of these frozen trips). The other class he teaches is called "Music and Mathematics." As I said, he's awesome.
The not-so-great class is my Honors science course. The main professor (the lectures will be taught by a variety of professors, most of whom seem really nice) is rather intimidating; she seems fair but very stony. Her comment on the first day that she hates to let students out early didn't reassure us any, either. Apparently a lot of the class will be geology, and at the end will be a group project, part of which is identifying age, etc, of a spot near campus. So after class, I went up and asked what if one did not believe in millions of years. We ended up arguing (umm, "discussing") evolution for the next half hour. To be fair, she doesn't say that science equals atheism, but believes that ethics and especially metaphysics should not be mixed up with science. Anyhow, she thinks that evolution is the most viable theory, and that every other argument has vital flaws from a scientific perspective. Of course I don't know enough to really contradict her. So now I'm doing extra research to try and defend my position. As if I didn't already have enough to do.
My Econ T.A. is from Georgia--not the state, the country. His accept is really interesting. So far I've had teachers from China, Puerto Rico, and now Georgia. Exciting.
The other day I found out that itunes had added the rest of Loreena McKennitt's albums! I was so happy; I downloaded 2 of them and have listened to her rendition of Alfred Noyes' poem "The Highwayman" almost constantly since them. Sigh of contentment . . .I love story-poems set to music. One last note: Mr. Eubanks has started a really cool blog called "Writers Read," it's a great place to get book reviews (and I'm not just saying that cuz I'm part of it!) The address is www.writersread.blogspot.com
And I'm horrible with adding links, so there isn't one. Sorry.
My classes this semester run the gauntlet from predictable to horrible to wonderful. My Theology of JRR Tolkien class (the only redeeming class on my schedule) is taught by an amazing professor. He's retired, and doesn't even get paid to teach, but that's never seems to have stopped him. This year the university offered him any class he wanted, so he made this one up. For the first class, he read us a portion of the Ainulindalë (the Middle Earth creation story) while playing some of Hayden's "Creation." For fun he travels the world trying to see every species of penguin in the wild (he just got back from one of these frozen trips). The other class he teaches is called "Music and Mathematics." As I said, he's awesome.
The not-so-great class is my Honors science course. The main professor (the lectures will be taught by a variety of professors, most of whom seem really nice) is rather intimidating; she seems fair but very stony. Her comment on the first day that she hates to let students out early didn't reassure us any, either. Apparently a lot of the class will be geology, and at the end will be a group project, part of which is identifying age, etc, of a spot near campus. So after class, I went up and asked what if one did not believe in millions of years. We ended up arguing (umm, "discussing") evolution for the next half hour. To be fair, she doesn't say that science equals atheism, but believes that ethics and especially metaphysics should not be mixed up with science. Anyhow, she thinks that evolution is the most viable theory, and that every other argument has vital flaws from a scientific perspective. Of course I don't know enough to really contradict her. So now I'm doing extra research to try and defend my position. As if I didn't already have enough to do.
My Econ T.A. is from Georgia--not the state, the country. His accept is really interesting. So far I've had teachers from China, Puerto Rico, and now Georgia. Exciting.
The other day I found out that itunes had added the rest of Loreena McKennitt's albums! I was so happy; I downloaded 2 of them and have listened to her rendition of Alfred Noyes' poem "The Highwayman" almost constantly since them. Sigh of contentment . . .I love story-poems set to music. One last note: Mr. Eubanks has started a really cool blog called "Writers Read," it's a great place to get book reviews (and I'm not just saying that cuz I'm part of it!) The address is www.writersread.blogspot.com
And I'm horrible with adding links, so there isn't one. Sorry.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
My Long Sojourn in Internet-Free Lands
Technically I had internet at home, but between the slow dialup and fending off my siblings clamoring for their turns, I decided I had a good enough excuse not to blog (that, and the fact that my blog's title specifically mentions adventures in college). Hopefully my brain is enough awake to at least start to chronicle some of the things that have happened to me lately.
I'm going to breeze over Christmas break (Firefly episodes, reading fiction till 2am, Firefly Episodes, trip to the art museum, Firefly episodes. . .), but I can't resist at least mentioning my recent escapades in retail. As you may (or may not) know, I got a job, thanks to Lukas, as a seasonal cashier at Target (not that it was his idea to let me handle money). It's pretty funny/odd/different being introduced and having people's eyes widen when they realize "Oh, you're Lukas' sister!" Before all my siblings had to put up with being known as "Lee Anne's brother/sister." The tables have turned. Sigh. . .soon I'll come home, and their friends will go "We didn't even know you had an older sister!" But I digress.
Einstein once said that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. I'm trying to think of some similar witty remark to cover retail, but it's not coming. I know the perspiration is in their somewhere. So are blood and tears (and I'm not kidding about the blood!) Hmm, Neither holidays, nor schedules, nor shoving people out of line will cause us speed up. . . Oh well. In honor of this lovely period of my life, I have come up with some Plastic Bag Awards to give to some very special customers.
Best Practical Joke
It's Target Policy to ask a guest if they need a gift receipt if it looks like it might apply to something in their purchase. Before the holidays, you pretty much just ask everybody. What's really funny is how predictable their reactions are. Everyone pauses for a second, and stares at their purchases as if they are trying to telepathically connect with the items ("Oh wise item from the planet of Mattel, you do desire that I should request a gift receipt for you?"). Most people make up their minds, and go back to being their brusque or painfully slow selves. But some people just think this situation is just too funny. Notably dads. First time this happened:
Me: Do you need a gift receipt for anything?
Customer: [long thoughtful glance at items] Maybe for the laundry detergent.
Then thee dad grins, elbows one of his kids (if they are with him) and laughs at his wittiness. First time, it was kind of funny. Second time it happened (with a completely different customer!) it was even funnier. They think that they are being so original, yet they all pick laundry detergent. I'm not kidding.
But the prize for best joke goes to one particular customer. I'm scanning the items, trying to be a "fast, fun, and friendly cashier" (read: impossible), I've said hi, then this dad just says "Umm, I was harassed by one of your employees, and you need to give me a 10% on my entire purchase." The next two seconds were filled with more thoughts than I've ever had at one time before: ohmygoshdoIcalltheheadcashiermaybehe'dliketoopenaTargetcardandsavetenpercentthatwayIknowIcangivediscountsonsingleitemsbutonawholeorderthisisgoingtomakethistranactionslowandgivemeabadratingWHATdidhejustsay?
Some of this complete confusion must have showed in my face (I hope my mouth wasn't open), for he look at me, slightly worried, and said "You know I was joking, right?" Rush of relief and quick drop of adrenaline. He kept looking worried, and apologized, and I think I managed at least a wan smile while assuring him that it was quite all right and really very funny. Afterwards, that is.
Oddest Combination of Items
(A man is checking out) A turquoise bra, a kid's baseball glove, and a household object. Yeah, that was surprising. Of course, after a few minutes he was joined by his wife and son, which went a long way towards explaining things, but STILL.
Craziest Request
It's always funny to see what people open in the store and then pay for. For example, a lady checking out with a HUGE (open) bag of M&Ms: "You may want to put those in a separate bag so they don't spill. My daughter would be so embarrassed [conspiratorial smile] but she's not here, and after all, sometimes you just have to have some chocolate. . ." Other crazy open items: Kleenex box (obvious, due to the girl blowing her running nose as she checked out) feminine products ("We had an accident") and the usual array of sodas. But the absolute craziest was when three twenty-something girls came to check out. They dumped their pile of items on the belt, then said:
Spokesgirl: Can you just ring up the tags? They're all here. I'm not sure if you can or not, but she's kind of wearing the items
Other Girl [pointing at third girl, our Target product model]: It's the shirt, and the bra, and the belt. . . Are you going to make her take them off?
Me[slightly floored]: That's okay, I can just ring up the tags.
Spokesgirl [huge smile] Thanks so much. I wasn't sure if you could do that.
Me: I'm not sure I can either; I'm new, but I will anyway.
Girls: [smiles and giggles]
me (to myself) was it really that funny?
"Bye," "Thanks," etc.
Definitely Unusual.
I'm going to breeze over Christmas break (Firefly episodes, reading fiction till 2am, Firefly Episodes, trip to the art museum, Firefly episodes. . .), but I can't resist at least mentioning my recent escapades in retail. As you may (or may not) know, I got a job, thanks to Lukas, as a seasonal cashier at Target (not that it was his idea to let me handle money). It's pretty funny/odd/different being introduced and having people's eyes widen when they realize "Oh, you're Lukas' sister!" Before all my siblings had to put up with being known as "Lee Anne's brother/sister." The tables have turned. Sigh. . .soon I'll come home, and their friends will go "We didn't even know you had an older sister!" But I digress.
Einstein once said that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. I'm trying to think of some similar witty remark to cover retail, but it's not coming. I know the perspiration is in their somewhere. So are blood and tears (and I'm not kidding about the blood!) Hmm, Neither holidays, nor schedules, nor shoving people out of line will cause us speed up. . . Oh well. In honor of this lovely period of my life, I have come up with some Plastic Bag Awards to give to some very special customers.
Best Practical Joke
It's Target Policy to ask a guest if they need a gift receipt if it looks like it might apply to something in their purchase. Before the holidays, you pretty much just ask everybody. What's really funny is how predictable their reactions are. Everyone pauses for a second, and stares at their purchases as if they are trying to telepathically connect with the items ("Oh wise item from the planet of Mattel, you do desire that I should request a gift receipt for you?"). Most people make up their minds, and go back to being their brusque or painfully slow selves. But some people just think this situation is just too funny. Notably dads. First time this happened:
Me: Do you need a gift receipt for anything?
Customer: [long thoughtful glance at items] Maybe for the laundry detergent.
Then thee dad grins, elbows one of his kids (if they are with him) and laughs at his wittiness. First time, it was kind of funny. Second time it happened (with a completely different customer!) it was even funnier. They think that they are being so original, yet they all pick laundry detergent. I'm not kidding.
But the prize for best joke goes to one particular customer. I'm scanning the items, trying to be a "fast, fun, and friendly cashier" (read: impossible), I've said hi, then this dad just says "Umm, I was harassed by one of your employees, and you need to give me a 10% on my entire purchase." The next two seconds were filled with more thoughts than I've ever had at one time before: ohmygoshdoIcalltheheadcashiermaybehe'dliketoopenaTargetcardandsavetenpercentthatwayIknowIcangivediscountsonsingleitemsbutonawholeorderthisisgoingtomakethistranactionslowandgivemeabadratingWHATdidhejustsay?
Some of this complete confusion must have showed in my face (I hope my mouth wasn't open), for he look at me, slightly worried, and said "You know I was joking, right?" Rush of relief and quick drop of adrenaline. He kept looking worried, and apologized, and I think I managed at least a wan smile while assuring him that it was quite all right and really very funny. Afterwards, that is.
Oddest Combination of Items
(A man is checking out) A turquoise bra, a kid's baseball glove, and a household object. Yeah, that was surprising. Of course, after a few minutes he was joined by his wife and son, which went a long way towards explaining things, but STILL.
Craziest Request
It's always funny to see what people open in the store and then pay for. For example, a lady checking out with a HUGE (open) bag of M&Ms: "You may want to put those in a separate bag so they don't spill. My daughter would be so embarrassed [conspiratorial smile] but she's not here, and after all, sometimes you just have to have some chocolate. . ." Other crazy open items: Kleenex box (obvious, due to the girl blowing her running nose as she checked out) feminine products ("We had an accident") and the usual array of sodas. But the absolute craziest was when three twenty-something girls came to check out. They dumped their pile of items on the belt, then said:
Spokesgirl: Can you just ring up the tags? They're all here. I'm not sure if you can or not, but she's kind of wearing the items
Other Girl [pointing at third girl, our Target product model]: It's the shirt, and the bra, and the belt. . . Are you going to make her take them off?
Me[slightly floored]: That's okay, I can just ring up the tags.
Spokesgirl [huge smile] Thanks so much. I wasn't sure if you could do that.
Me: I'm not sure I can either; I'm new, but I will anyway.
Girls: [smiles and giggles]
me (to myself) was it really that funny?
"Bye," "Thanks," etc.
Definitely Unusual.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
.jpg)